I like to watch people while I’m doing strength training. Actually, I like to watch people between reps so that I can pretend that I’m doing anything else. I’m a people watcher by nature and it’s enlightening to realize all the ridiculous things that are going on around you if you just pay attention.
Last night traffic was against me because of some mysterious lane closure, of which I never discovered the purpose. I was too late getting to the gym (mother*cking traffic) to participate in the class I wanted to attend so I decided to wing it and use the weight machines and do some body weight exercises as well.
I felt like I was playing I-Spy for creepy men. There was one who picked his exercise locations strategically depending on where a blond woman was lifting weights. At first I thought it was a coincidence but I soon realized that he was choosing machines that positioned him facing her ample breast implants.
Between the obvious oogling and the very poor form he was using, I had to work hard not to laugh at him. Because of the oogling, though, he did not notice this.
Then, there was the guy in cargo khaki shorts, a button up shirt, and flip flops. I silently hoped that he would drop a weight on his foot just for his stupidity. I’m a douche, I know.
He was an interesting specimen to watch, though, because he would use low weight and only do a few reps (also with extremely poor form) and then move on. I wondered what the point was. He seemed completely in his own world, totally dazed. He wasn’t stalking anyone with his eyes and clearly wasn’t trying to impress anyone. He was just there, glazed.
There was also the guy who reminded me of Reggie from Lady In The Water. You remember him, right? The guy who only worked out one side of his body… This guy wasn’t quite as bad as that but he did have significantly larger muscles in his right shoulder than in his left. I guess that certain types of one handed strenuous activity could have that effect…
Is that a barbell or are you just happy to see me?
Maybe it was the mascara I forgot to remove beforehand or possibly my Rainbow Bright headband but one guy kept giving me a smile and a chin thrust.
I am not one of those girls who are attractive while working out. I mean, I turn this strange dark red that I didn’t know live humans were capable of turning, for one thing. My hair goes every direction despite being in a pony tail and being slicked back by my rainbow bright headband. My boobs are strapped tightly enough my body that you’d think I was trying to smuggle them into Canada and I’m not exactly fashionably dressed in my dingy dark colors.
Yeah, that’s hot. Really, really hot.
I guess in the future I can convince myself to do strength training just for the people watching in between sets even if I hate doing shoulder exercises. And I do.
What's the funniest and strangest things you've seen while in the weight room? Please share your stories!
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
264.4lbs, I Gained Weight...
Hey, wait… it’s Tuesday? As in the second day of the work week? As in I pretty much slept through Monday? Okay, I’m down.
I didn’t remember that yesterday was Monday and post like I should have but I did weigh-in with mucho disappointing results. Today I’m going to do a pseudo combination of Monday and Tuesday posts because it feels too much like Monday for celebrating Skanky Tuesday but I have some body thoughts today.
I paid no attention to goals from last week so there’s very little point in going over them. If I passed it’s only from luck. I tried this week to start over and get back on track but I ended up more off track than I’ve been this whole time.
This weekend I had to step back and ask myself: What happened? What’s different?
I read an amazing post from Eat Move Write about how her “Good Enough” weight isn’t good enough anymore. Then I looked back at my archives and what I wrote and thought when I first started. After shaking my head at some of the posts I realized what had changed. When I first started my goals were all fitness and health related. True, I was tracking the little changes in my body but that was just for fun and encouragement, not because I thought I was going to become hot overnight.
Over the past few months, vanity has started to creep back into my consciousness. While before I was resigned to the fact that I would not be looking good for a long time, now, suddenly, how I look has outweighed any other factor. That problem is (at the risk of sounding egotistical) that even at 260-something I still look pretty damn good. Sorry I’m not sorry.
What isn’t good at 260-something, though, is my fitness level, my health in general, my ability to fit into small spaces, and so many other things. I have to switch my focus from hotness back to my fitness, away from how my ass looks and back to what my ass can do.
I had lost my spark for this whole thing because I was focusing on the wrong issues. So, back to basics I suppose. I have to go back to thinking about how much I ear, drink, exercise, and if I’m getting the proper nutrients. While I’m certainly vain enough to use my appearance as motivation, I’m also narcissistic enough to thinks I’m attractive as I am now.
So here’s the new plan and goals for this week.
The Plan
Focus on Fitness Goals: I mean, focus on fitness goals not as a means to an end but as an end. Like, how long until I can actually run a freaking mile or two… or 26.2? Am I flexible enough or strong enough to do…? These are the things I want to focus on and not “is running or whatever going to make me look and feel…?
Fuel for Fitness: If I have aspirations of race running and other feats of fitness I’ll need to properly feed myself. This means minimizing sugar and maximizing vegetables and protein.
Measure Myself Monthly: I’ve been doing it weekly and it’s just dumb to do that now. It made sense at first when I was losing consistently but now it’s just a chore that is discouraging. I will keep weighing weekly, though.
So, there’s the general template but here are this week’s specific goals.
Goals
Do Weight Training Once: I’m going to a class for this one because I can’t seem to do it on my own.
Run Twice: I’m going to work hard to increase my running abilities but this week I’m going to get myself back into the swing of things. I’m going to try walking at 3.3mph as the happy medium between 3.0 and 3.5 even if it annoys the hell out of me.
Proper Meals: Six mini meals of about 300 calories evenly spaced throughout the day. This is how I feel best. Lean meat and vegetables.
There you have it, the getting back to it plan with goals. What are your goals? How do you get yourself back in gear when you’ve been doing not so good?
I didn’t remember that yesterday was Monday and post like I should have but I did weigh-in with mucho disappointing results. Today I’m going to do a pseudo combination of Monday and Tuesday posts because it feels too much like Monday for celebrating Skanky Tuesday but I have some body thoughts today.
I paid no attention to goals from last week so there’s very little point in going over them. If I passed it’s only from luck. I tried this week to start over and get back on track but I ended up more off track than I’ve been this whole time.
This weekend I had to step back and ask myself: What happened? What’s different?
I read an amazing post from Eat Move Write about how her “Good Enough” weight isn’t good enough anymore. Then I looked back at my archives and what I wrote and thought when I first started. After shaking my head at some of the posts I realized what had changed. When I first started my goals were all fitness and health related. True, I was tracking the little changes in my body but that was just for fun and encouragement, not because I thought I was going to become hot overnight.
Over the past few months, vanity has started to creep back into my consciousness. While before I was resigned to the fact that I would not be looking good for a long time, now, suddenly, how I look has outweighed any other factor. That problem is (at the risk of sounding egotistical) that even at 260-something I still look pretty damn good. Sorry I’m not sorry.
What isn’t good at 260-something, though, is my fitness level, my health in general, my ability to fit into small spaces, and so many other things. I have to switch my focus from hotness back to my fitness, away from how my ass looks and back to what my ass can do.
I had lost my spark for this whole thing because I was focusing on the wrong issues. So, back to basics I suppose. I have to go back to thinking about how much I ear, drink, exercise, and if I’m getting the proper nutrients. While I’m certainly vain enough to use my appearance as motivation, I’m also narcissistic enough to thinks I’m attractive as I am now.
So here’s the new plan and goals for this week.
The Plan
Focus on Fitness Goals: I mean, focus on fitness goals not as a means to an end but as an end. Like, how long until I can actually run a freaking mile or two… or 26.2? Am I flexible enough or strong enough to do…? These are the things I want to focus on and not “is running or whatever going to make me look and feel…?
Fuel for Fitness: If I have aspirations of race running and other feats of fitness I’ll need to properly feed myself. This means minimizing sugar and maximizing vegetables and protein.
Measure Myself Monthly: I’ve been doing it weekly and it’s just dumb to do that now. It made sense at first when I was losing consistently but now it’s just a chore that is discouraging. I will keep weighing weekly, though.
So, there’s the general template but here are this week’s specific goals.
Goals
Do Weight Training Once: I’m going to a class for this one because I can’t seem to do it on my own.
Run Twice: I’m going to work hard to increase my running abilities but this week I’m going to get myself back into the swing of things. I’m going to try walking at 3.3mph as the happy medium between 3.0 and 3.5 even if it annoys the hell out of me.
Proper Meals: Six mini meals of about 300 calories evenly spaced throughout the day. This is how I feel best. Lean meat and vegetables.
There you have it, the getting back to it plan with goals. What are your goals? How do you get yourself back in gear when you’ve been doing not so good?
Friday, September 3, 2010
Beware the Sleepwalker
Do you ever have those days where your brain just doesn’t process information properly and in a timely manner? I’ve been having that day for about four months.
I’ve always felt that sleep is more or less the most important part of a healthy lifestyle. Nothing else works correctly without enough of it and you will literally die without it.
For the first time in my life I’ve started wearing concealer on a daily basis because my under eyes are so dark. If the problems with my brain function and vanity weren’t enough, the fact that I’ve stopped losing weight definitely has motivated me to try and do something about my sleepy self.
So, I tried working out harder. I just got really sore and cramped up. I tried taking melatonin. I could fall asleep but not stay asleep or really rest. I tried drinking a lot. I woke up feeling a little less than good. I tried relaxation exercises. I couldn’t concentrate through them. I tried milk before bed. I like milk but… nothing. I tried reading before bed. I’d finish the book without realizing that hours had gone by. I tried eating walnuts before bed. I didn’t really like them. I tried eating turkey before bed. It felt pointless.
The problem, though, is not that I can’t fall asleep or that my body doesn’t want to sleep, it’s that I have trouble relaxing. I tense up in my sleep and wake up in some strange contortion or squeezed so tightly that I can’t undo myself without some effort.
I’d be suspicious that my sleeping self is having some very strange adventures, but I think that my sleeping self is just too tired to make the effort.
So, I’ve decided that maybe its time to go see my doctor. I haven’t seen him for over a year and a half and he’ll certainly be pleasantly surprised that I’ve lost weight. I know which medication has worked for me in the past and I can ask for it again. Here’s the problem, though, it’s a narcotic.
Am I the only one who feels guilty asking my doctor for narcotics? I feel like a teenager trying to trick my parents into giving me things they shouldn’t. I have no intention of using it for any recreational or ill purposes but it still makes me nervous to ask.
It makes me nervous because my family has a history of drug abuse and that makes me feel guilty by association. I have a track record of responsibility with such medications but knowing that I kind of like how I feel on this medicine exacerbates the feeling of guilt by association.
If I want a full night’s sleep, though, this might have to be one of those times where I just have to get over my issues and ask for what I need. The worst that can happen: he’ll say no.
Feeling rested is worth that risk.
I’ve always felt that sleep is more or less the most important part of a healthy lifestyle. Nothing else works correctly without enough of it and you will literally die without it.
For the first time in my life I’ve started wearing concealer on a daily basis because my under eyes are so dark. If the problems with my brain function and vanity weren’t enough, the fact that I’ve stopped losing weight definitely has motivated me to try and do something about my sleepy self.
So, I tried working out harder. I just got really sore and cramped up. I tried taking melatonin. I could fall asleep but not stay asleep or really rest. I tried drinking a lot. I woke up feeling a little less than good. I tried relaxation exercises. I couldn’t concentrate through them. I tried milk before bed. I like milk but… nothing. I tried reading before bed. I’d finish the book without realizing that hours had gone by. I tried eating walnuts before bed. I didn’t really like them. I tried eating turkey before bed. It felt pointless.
The problem, though, is not that I can’t fall asleep or that my body doesn’t want to sleep, it’s that I have trouble relaxing. I tense up in my sleep and wake up in some strange contortion or squeezed so tightly that I can’t undo myself without some effort.
I’d be suspicious that my sleeping self is having some very strange adventures, but I think that my sleeping self is just too tired to make the effort.
So, I’ve decided that maybe its time to go see my doctor. I haven’t seen him for over a year and a half and he’ll certainly be pleasantly surprised that I’ve lost weight. I know which medication has worked for me in the past and I can ask for it again. Here’s the problem, though, it’s a narcotic.
Am I the only one who feels guilty asking my doctor for narcotics? I feel like a teenager trying to trick my parents into giving me things they shouldn’t. I have no intention of using it for any recreational or ill purposes but it still makes me nervous to ask.
It makes me nervous because my family has a history of drug abuse and that makes me feel guilty by association. I have a track record of responsibility with such medications but knowing that I kind of like how I feel on this medicine exacerbates the feeling of guilt by association.
If I want a full night’s sleep, though, this might have to be one of those times where I just have to get over my issues and ask for what I need. The worst that can happen: he’ll say no.
Feeling rested is worth that risk.
Thursday, September 2, 2010
I’m Not Your Success Story
The first time I walked into the 24-Hour Fitness in Downtown Seattle I was all of a dither looking around and thinking about my sweaty future there. I looked at the treadmills and imagined myself wheezing my way to running a mile… and then five.
I saw the weight machines and had visions of hrumphing under larger and larger resistance. I walked past the empty studio and had a flashback to days of contortionist like flexibility. I saw the posters of Olympians who call 24-Hour Fitness their workout home and waxed poetically (in my head) about my place in Greek Mythology. The moment was made particularly poignant because we were mid Winter Olympics.
The last room I walked past on my way into the office, lead by a sales associate named Ryan, was a bulletin board of their personal training success stories. For a moment, I wanted to be on that board too. I wanted my picture up as motivation for all the sweaty people in the circuit training room to see. It only lasted a second, though.
The poster was inspirational, perhaps, but 24-Hour Fitness was claiming the success stories of these people for their own. “I’ll never be someone else’s success story,” I thought.
I felt that these people were being robbed of their victory and hard work. The credit was going to the wrong place. It was the people in the pictures who had done the work, not the trainers. The trainer didn’t do the push-ups, squats, lunges, runs, planks, bench presses, or dead lifts for these people and they didn't lose the weight for them, either.
Looking at the poster, I realized why I so dislike advertisements that say things like, “I’ll have your abs rock solid in six months,” or “{Fill in misc product here} will sculpt and tone you…” These products may be the tools to do the work but I am doing the work.
My defiant inner three year old stomps her foot and declares that no one shall take the victory. She will not join Weight Watchers, she will not audition for The Biggest Loser, she will not be a walking advertisement in exchange for free personal training, she will not use Slim Fast, Quick Trim, Nutrisystem, Jenny Craig, and she will not be your testimonial.
This is my life, my effort, and my story. I’m not so pompous as to not acknowledge the help and tools I’ve received along the way but I won’t let someone else have my glory. Selling out is not an option.
This is my story that I'm working for. With every sweaty workout and every sore muscle I get closer to what the world calls the success story. I won't give that away and neither should you.
So, how do you feel about advertisements like that? Are you willing to be someone else's success story?
I saw the weight machines and had visions of hrumphing under larger and larger resistance. I walked past the empty studio and had a flashback to days of contortionist like flexibility. I saw the posters of Olympians who call 24-Hour Fitness their workout home and waxed poetically (in my head) about my place in Greek Mythology. The moment was made particularly poignant because we were mid Winter Olympics.
The last room I walked past on my way into the office, lead by a sales associate named Ryan, was a bulletin board of their personal training success stories. For a moment, I wanted to be on that board too. I wanted my picture up as motivation for all the sweaty people in the circuit training room to see. It only lasted a second, though.
The poster was inspirational, perhaps, but 24-Hour Fitness was claiming the success stories of these people for their own. “I’ll never be someone else’s success story,” I thought.
I felt that these people were being robbed of their victory and hard work. The credit was going to the wrong place. It was the people in the pictures who had done the work, not the trainers. The trainer didn’t do the push-ups, squats, lunges, runs, planks, bench presses, or dead lifts for these people and they didn't lose the weight for them, either.
Looking at the poster, I realized why I so dislike advertisements that say things like, “I’ll have your abs rock solid in six months,” or “{Fill in misc product here} will sculpt and tone you…” These products may be the tools to do the work but I am doing the work.
My defiant inner three year old stomps her foot and declares that no one shall take the victory. She will not join Weight Watchers, she will not audition for The Biggest Loser, she will not be a walking advertisement in exchange for free personal training, she will not use Slim Fast, Quick Trim, Nutrisystem, Jenny Craig, and she will not be your testimonial.
This is my life, my effort, and my story. I’m not so pompous as to not acknowledge the help and tools I’ve received along the way but I won’t let someone else have my glory. Selling out is not an option.
This is my story that I'm working for. With every sweaty workout and every sore muscle I get closer to what the world calls the success story. I won't give that away and neither should you.
So, how do you feel about advertisements like that? Are you willing to be someone else's success story?
Change It Up Challenge Winner
Do you ever wake up in the wee hours of the morning and remember something that you were supposed to have done the evening prior? I did last night.
My apologies to you all. I forgot to add at the end of my post that we do, in fact, have someone who was able to successfully complete a sugar free week and, thus, wins a Spa Wish gift certificate. A Perfect Vision of Myself please send me your mailing address and I will send it out! You can use the contact form or email Kendra [at] kendrathroughthelookingglass [dot] com.
My apologies to you all. I forgot to add at the end of my post that we do, in fact, have someone who was able to successfully complete a sugar free week and, thus, wins a Spa Wish gift certificate. A Perfect Vision of Myself please send me your mailing address and I will send it out! You can use the contact form or email Kendra [at] kendrathroughthelookingglass [dot] com.
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
September Goals
It's the beginning of September and I'm already counting down until Halloween. I'm thinking about going back to California for Halloween to chill with my lady friends and find some freaks. It's one of my favorite past times!
Halloween is one of my favorite holidays of the year and I usually go all out. I mean, why give up any opportunity to dress up completely ridiculously and have it be completely socially acceptable? Far be it from me.
While I've been foaming at the mouth in jealousy over Laura's Carnival paraphernalia, I'll have to console myself with Halloween festivities. This year, since Halloween lands on a Sunday, there will be Friday night parties, Saturday night parties, Sunday night parties, and an excuse to dress up to work on Monday morning. Awesome.
So, Operation Halloween Hotness starts in September, i.e. now. Without further ado, here are my September goals:
1. Keep Owning It: In the last week or so I've done a bunch of the things that I usually want to but second guess because "What will people think!?!?!?" Today I have feathers in my hair and sorry I'm not sorry but they look freaking awesome. Thanks, Rachel, for the inspiration!
2. Exercise at least four times a week: With the hellacious schedule a month gone I have no excuse and I really do want to keep changing my body. It isn't just a "I should do this so I have to," I have a purpose here.
3. Get shit clean, keep shit clean: Ever since coming home from California, my car, room, bathroom, desk, etc, have all been a disaster area.
4. Develop vocational goals and make a plan: I talked about this pretty thoroughly in my last post so I won't reiterate here but it is a goal.
5.Mindfulness: I've been casually been practicing mindfulness and staying in each moment but I think it's a really good thing to focus on this month since I'll be in transition.
There you have it! What are your September goals? If you don't set monthly goals I highly recommend it.
Halloween is one of my favorite holidays of the year and I usually go all out. I mean, why give up any opportunity to dress up completely ridiculously and have it be completely socially acceptable? Far be it from me.
While I've been foaming at the mouth in jealousy over Laura's Carnival paraphernalia, I'll have to console myself with Halloween festivities. This year, since Halloween lands on a Sunday, there will be Friday night parties, Saturday night parties, Sunday night parties, and an excuse to dress up to work on Monday morning. Awesome.
So, Operation Halloween Hotness starts in September, i.e. now. Without further ado, here are my September goals:
1. Keep Owning It: In the last week or so I've done a bunch of the things that I usually want to but second guess because "What will people think!?!?!?" Today I have feathers in my hair and sorry I'm not sorry but they look freaking awesome. Thanks, Rachel, for the inspiration!
2. Exercise at least four times a week: With the hellacious schedule a month gone I have no excuse and I really do want to keep changing my body. It isn't just a "I should do this so I have to," I have a purpose here.
3. Get shit clean, keep shit clean: Ever since coming home from California, my car, room, bathroom, desk, etc, have all been a disaster area.
4. Develop vocational goals and make a plan: I talked about this pretty thoroughly in my last post so I won't reiterate here but it is a goal.
5.Mindfulness: I've been casually been practicing mindfulness and staying in each moment but I think it's a really good thing to focus on this month since I'll be in transition.
There you have it! What are your September goals? If you don't set monthly goals I highly recommend it.
In Which We Pick Ourselves Up And Dust Ourselves Off
Yesterday I suffered a major disappointment and decided that I was perfectly justified indulging in self pity (read: drinking and moping) for the evening.
Now that I've done that, I can move on.
To be honest, I’m not even sure how much I actually wanted it or if it was just the easy and logical move. There is every possibility that I just dodged a bullet and will be better off for not joining what very well may be a sinking ship. (See, I’m fabulous at rationalizing and finding the silver lining)
I have only a limited amount of time left on my current work project and I’ll probably be done by the end of the year. I’m in one of those places that leave me with a million unanswered questions but that also afford new opportunities. I’ve been here before.
Yes, I’ve been here before but the last times I didn’t make good choices. Instead of taking the opportunity to actually do something productive, I just took the opportunity to find out how many hours of the day I could sleep. I also read Harry Potter. That was a good choice.
Now, though, I feel heavily investing in my future and in living well. That includes making more money. Don’t worry, I haven’t given up on the operatic dreams but I see no benefit or virtue in being a starving artist. I’d rather be a money savvy, strategically planning, multi jobbing singer. That’s how I roll. La Boheme is a great opera but I don’t want to live it.
I’m going to take this next month to regroup and make a plan. I really don’t like to do anything without a plan of attack. I’ll let you all know what I have in the works once I’ve got a plan.
On the thought of plans, I should update you on how I’ve done on my goals for 2010 since the year is officially ¾ over.
1. Debt Control – On the whole, not much progress but I’m much more financially stable now
2. Weight: 100 lbs (Real Goal) or 50 lbs (Backup because of my poor track record) – On the way to 50!
3. Health: Get sleep under control – I’m doing much better than I ever have before.
4. Living Situation: Move somewhere I like better – I will be in October or November most likely
5. Make mini monthly and weekly goals – Rocking this!
6. School: Start again – Started, then stopped, starting again this month
7. Music
1. Start again: Work with a voice teacher again – Trying to afford it now
2. Start working on Music Theory – Working on it
3. Piano Proficiency – Had been working on it, need to get back on it
8. Vanity
1. Whiten Teeth – Did it, looks so much better
2. Maintain nice eyebrows – Check
9. Travel
1. Leave the country – Not so much… yet
2. Get a Passport again – Not yet
10. Job
1. Approach ********* about managing a campaign – Did it, failed
2. Possibly get a second gig – Did it
On the whole I’m doing pretty well. This might be the first year ever I meet most of or all of my goals. Awesome.
Now that I've done that, I can move on.
To be honest, I’m not even sure how much I actually wanted it or if it was just the easy and logical move. There is every possibility that I just dodged a bullet and will be better off for not joining what very well may be a sinking ship. (See, I’m fabulous at rationalizing and finding the silver lining)
I have only a limited amount of time left on my current work project and I’ll probably be done by the end of the year. I’m in one of those places that leave me with a million unanswered questions but that also afford new opportunities. I’ve been here before.
Yes, I’ve been here before but the last times I didn’t make good choices. Instead of taking the opportunity to actually do something productive, I just took the opportunity to find out how many hours of the day I could sleep. I also read Harry Potter. That was a good choice.
Now, though, I feel heavily investing in my future and in living well. That includes making more money. Don’t worry, I haven’t given up on the operatic dreams but I see no benefit or virtue in being a starving artist. I’d rather be a money savvy, strategically planning, multi jobbing singer. That’s how I roll. La Boheme is a great opera but I don’t want to live it.
I’m going to take this next month to regroup and make a plan. I really don’t like to do anything without a plan of attack. I’ll let you all know what I have in the works once I’ve got a plan.
On the thought of plans, I should update you on how I’ve done on my goals for 2010 since the year is officially ¾ over.
1. Debt Control – On the whole, not much progress but I’m much more financially stable now
2. Weight: 100 lbs (Real Goal) or 50 lbs (Backup because of my poor track record) – On the way to 50!
3. Health: Get sleep under control – I’m doing much better than I ever have before.
4. Living Situation: Move somewhere I like better – I will be in October or November most likely
5. Make mini monthly and weekly goals – Rocking this!
6. School: Start again – Started, then stopped, starting again this month
7. Music
1. Start again: Work with a voice teacher again – Trying to afford it now
2. Start working on Music Theory – Working on it
3. Piano Proficiency – Had been working on it, need to get back on it
8. Vanity
1. Whiten Teeth – Did it, looks so much better
2. Maintain nice eyebrows – Check
9. Travel
1. Leave the country – Not so much… yet
2. Get a Passport again – Not yet
10. Job
1. Approach ********* about managing a campaign – Did it, failed
2. Possibly get a second gig – Did it
On the whole I’m doing pretty well. This might be the first year ever I meet most of or all of my goals. Awesome.
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Skanky Tuesday: Is It Hot In Here…
…or is it just your confidence?
A few weeks ago I asked “Can Fat Be Sexy?” My conclusion was no, but your comments got me thinking a little more. My opinion has shifted a bit when I realized that “sexy” is about more than just appearance. While my lardy lumps certainly are nothing to lust over, it seems that the whole is more than the sum of its parts.
Over the past few months I’ve been called sexy more than I ever have in my life. It’s strange, but certainly good for my ego. What’s caused this shift, weight loss? I don’t think so. I’ve weighed less than this before and I’ve been less floppy too. My body’s been better, but… and this is a big but (pun intended), I’ve never been more confident.
There’s something about confidence that seems to hide blemishes. It reminds me of how my dad (the chef) used to tell me that “frosting covers a multitude of sins.” Confidence is definitely the icing on the cake.
I used to scoff at the idea of confidence playing such a strong role in sexiness but I guess I’ve been reeducated. Dancing and clubbing are definitely a first class education.
What is it about confidence that turns us on? Why is it that a woman comfortable in their skin is more alluring than just physical beauty? I don’t know.
I don’t feel sexy, but I feel confident. I’m perfectly okay with that and it seems to be enough to make others think that I am sexy even if I do not. Fine by me.
I’m not going to lie, though; it’s really fun to get hit on more often. It’s fun to be looked at and admired. It’s awesome to know that the reason that person’s looking at me isn’t because their judging me for how fat I am or because there might be something hanging out of my nose.
Despite the fact that my appearance hasn’t changed that much yet, people are treating me that differently. That is what tells me it must be much more than appearance.
Maybe we give off information about our bodies by our demeanor. Our actions tell people what we think of our bodies and tell them what they should think too. It's like non-verbal neuro-linguistic programming or a form of peer pressure. Your confidence is a way of silently saying, "Look bitch, I'm hot and you're going to agree with me on that!"
Now I'm just making stuff up.
I may not know why but I do know that confidence is hot. So, I really must ask: What do you do to increase your confidence?
A few weeks ago I asked “Can Fat Be Sexy?” My conclusion was no, but your comments got me thinking a little more. My opinion has shifted a bit when I realized that “sexy” is about more than just appearance. While my lardy lumps certainly are nothing to lust over, it seems that the whole is more than the sum of its parts.
Over the past few months I’ve been called sexy more than I ever have in my life. It’s strange, but certainly good for my ego. What’s caused this shift, weight loss? I don’t think so. I’ve weighed less than this before and I’ve been less floppy too. My body’s been better, but… and this is a big but (pun intended), I’ve never been more confident.
There’s something about confidence that seems to hide blemishes. It reminds me of how my dad (the chef) used to tell me that “frosting covers a multitude of sins.” Confidence is definitely the icing on the cake.
I used to scoff at the idea of confidence playing such a strong role in sexiness but I guess I’ve been reeducated. Dancing and clubbing are definitely a first class education.
What is it about confidence that turns us on? Why is it that a woman comfortable in their skin is more alluring than just physical beauty? I don’t know.
I don’t feel sexy, but I feel confident. I’m perfectly okay with that and it seems to be enough to make others think that I am sexy even if I do not. Fine by me.
I’m not going to lie, though; it’s really fun to get hit on more often. It’s fun to be looked at and admired. It’s awesome to know that the reason that person’s looking at me isn’t because their judging me for how fat I am or because there might be something hanging out of my nose.
Despite the fact that my appearance hasn’t changed that much yet, people are treating me that differently. That is what tells me it must be much more than appearance.
Maybe we give off information about our bodies by our demeanor. Our actions tell people what we think of our bodies and tell them what they should think too. It's like non-verbal neuro-linguistic programming or a form of peer pressure. Your confidence is a way of silently saying, "Look bitch, I'm hot and you're going to agree with me on that!"
Now I'm just making stuff up.
I may not know why but I do know that confidence is hot. So, I really must ask: What do you do to increase your confidence?
Monday, August 30, 2010
Change It Up Challenge: The End
Well, last week was the last week of the challenge. The sugar free week. How did you all do? As I said in my weekly stats post I did fabulously until Saturday and then it was all down hill. You’ll have until tomorrow night at 11:59pm PST to comment here and tell me that you passed. Tell me about it. What did you eat instead of foods with sugar? How did you feel? Tell me all about it! Please post the story here, though, and not a link to your own post about it.
From those who were successful, you’re entered to win a Spa gift card so don’t forget to comment. I’ll let you all know who won on Wednesday.
From those who were successful, you’re entered to win a Spa gift card so don’t forget to comment. I’ll let you all know who won on Wednesday.
261.8lbs, .4lb Gained This Week, 34.2lbs Lost Total
I knew that I was going to gain this week and it annoyed me. Normally I come on after a weigh in and say I don't care and here's why, but this weekend I did care. Here's why:
I did everything right last week. There's no reason why I should have registered a gain. I could speculate a million reasons why I gained again and its okay but it doesn't feel okay to me right now. It will later but I'm not quite over it yet.
I don't know what made my weight go way up in the middle of the week but it got as high as 266lbs again. That was a scary number to see even if it wasn't in the morning and I knew how much water and food were in my belly after working out and eating.
This weekend I was feeling particularly morose about this weight loss journey. I was feeling a level of emo self pity I don’t usually allow myself to indulge in. Indulge I did, though, and wrote a post that I accidentally and luckily deleted. I was going to share it with you all because of how reminiscent it was of a middle school live journal page but when I opened it this morning there was only an empty page.
We’re all better off this way. Trust me.
And moving on… Let’s talk Goals!
Last Week’s Goals:
1. Run twice: They both sucked but I did ‘em. Here’s my neurotic/psychotic/stupid problem I’m having right now with the runs. I can do the 5.5mph running part just fine but when I do the resting part of the interval 3.0mph is too slow and lets my HR go down too much but 3.5 is too fast and I don’t actually recover enough. I know, I know, most of you are probably thinking, “Duh, Kendra, do something in between,” but have I ever told you all just how neurotic I am with numbers? Probably not to the true extent. The idea of doing a number that is not a whole number or a .5 is painful. PAINFUL people! I told my mother about the problem on Friday night and she had zero empathy for me. I’m going to try to do 3.3 but I don’t know if I’ll be able to take it.
2. Strength training once: I did this one at home with a routine from a magazine. It wasn’t the best ever and while it was hard, I didn’t really feel much benefit from it. Oh well, I’ll try something new this week. It’s hard to find a good routine that I don’t have to pay for because the majority of routines I find require you to do things where you have to support your body weight in various ways. There are some that I can do and others that aren’t even an option. Anything resembling a pushup is not going to happen. Things that require me to bend at the waist in a curl up sort of position, again, is not going to happen. There’s too much mass there to curl. While I completed this goal, it wasn’t very satisfying
3. No sugar: This was a pain in the ass success until Saturday and then it all went down hill. My step mother was having a party for her son who is visiting (and stinking up my bathroom with his aftershave… so gross) from Peru. I may have failed to mention previously that my stepmother and all of her family are from Peru. She doesn’t really speak English and I don’t speak Spanish so we get along. At these parties I get to go through the usual “Wow, you’re pale,” “Why is your dad so much darker than you,” “You don’t speak Spanish, why???” “You really should speak Spanish, it’s a necessary language now,” “It’s funny how pale you are, now here’s twenty million jokes about your lack of melanin and how you don’t like spicy food like we do.” Fun times. The benefit, though, is usually really good food. They don’t typically sugar things so I thought I was safe. Nope. After eating some mysterious yellow substance that was down right delicious I asked about what it was. Yep, it had sugar in it. After that I took a “eff it” mentality and ate and drank what I pleased… which happened to include a lot of wine.
4. Water: With flying colors, thankyouverymuch.
This Week’s Goals:
1. Run twice: I’ll try to make myself do 3.3mph for the rests…
2. Strength training twice: I might do a class for this despite the fact that I hate classes. Or I might just wing it and go with the machines.
3. Minimize sugar: I’m not going to eliminate it because then I start counting down and obsessing for when I can have it again but I still want to minimize.
4. Get stocked up: Part of the reason I’ve been struggling for the past few weeks is that I haven’t had the necessities on hand and easy. Time to go shopping!
5. Relaxation exercises: I've been having a lot of trouble sleeping well so I think that I should try these again. They work.
I did everything right last week. There's no reason why I should have registered a gain. I could speculate a million reasons why I gained again and its okay but it doesn't feel okay to me right now. It will later but I'm not quite over it yet.
I don't know what made my weight go way up in the middle of the week but it got as high as 266lbs again. That was a scary number to see even if it wasn't in the morning and I knew how much water and food were in my belly after working out and eating.
This weekend I was feeling particularly morose about this weight loss journey. I was feeling a level of emo self pity I don’t usually allow myself to indulge in. Indulge I did, though, and wrote a post that I accidentally and luckily deleted. I was going to share it with you all because of how reminiscent it was of a middle school live journal page but when I opened it this morning there was only an empty page.
We’re all better off this way. Trust me.
And moving on… Let’s talk Goals!
Last Week’s Goals:
1. Run twice: They both sucked but I did ‘em. Here’s my neurotic/psychotic/stupid problem I’m having right now with the runs. I can do the 5.5mph running part just fine but when I do the resting part of the interval 3.0mph is too slow and lets my HR go down too much but 3.5 is too fast and I don’t actually recover enough. I know, I know, most of you are probably thinking, “Duh, Kendra, do something in between,” but have I ever told you all just how neurotic I am with numbers? Probably not to the true extent. The idea of doing a number that is not a whole number or a .5 is painful. PAINFUL people! I told my mother about the problem on Friday night and she had zero empathy for me. I’m going to try to do 3.3 but I don’t know if I’ll be able to take it.
2. Strength training once: I did this one at home with a routine from a magazine. It wasn’t the best ever and while it was hard, I didn’t really feel much benefit from it. Oh well, I’ll try something new this week. It’s hard to find a good routine that I don’t have to pay for because the majority of routines I find require you to do things where you have to support your body weight in various ways. There are some that I can do and others that aren’t even an option. Anything resembling a pushup is not going to happen. Things that require me to bend at the waist in a curl up sort of position, again, is not going to happen. There’s too much mass there to curl. While I completed this goal, it wasn’t very satisfying
3. No sugar: This was a pain in the ass success until Saturday and then it all went down hill. My step mother was having a party for her son who is visiting (and stinking up my bathroom with his aftershave… so gross) from Peru. I may have failed to mention previously that my stepmother and all of her family are from Peru. She doesn’t really speak English and I don’t speak Spanish so we get along. At these parties I get to go through the usual “Wow, you’re pale,” “Why is your dad so much darker than you,” “You don’t speak Spanish, why???” “You really should speak Spanish, it’s a necessary language now,” “It’s funny how pale you are, now here’s twenty million jokes about your lack of melanin and how you don’t like spicy food like we do.” Fun times. The benefit, though, is usually really good food. They don’t typically sugar things so I thought I was safe. Nope. After eating some mysterious yellow substance that was down right delicious I asked about what it was. Yep, it had sugar in it. After that I took a “eff it” mentality and ate and drank what I pleased… which happened to include a lot of wine.
4. Water: With flying colors, thankyouverymuch.
This Week’s Goals:
1. Run twice: I’ll try to make myself do 3.3mph for the rests…
2. Strength training twice: I might do a class for this despite the fact that I hate classes. Or I might just wing it and go with the machines.
3. Minimize sugar: I’m not going to eliminate it because then I start counting down and obsessing for when I can have it again but I still want to minimize.
4. Get stocked up: Part of the reason I’ve been struggling for the past few weeks is that I haven’t had the necessities on hand and easy. Time to go shopping!
5. Relaxation exercises: I've been having a lot of trouble sleeping well so I think that I should try these again. They work.
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